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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

rant number two.

So i basically grew up in restaurants. When I wasn't working in a restaurant i was working in retail. It is my firm belief that the world (or at least the US) would be a happier place if everyone had to work in a restaurant and in retail at least once in their life. It is incredible the lack of common decency and perspective that I see on a day to day basis. A few notes:
-If you order something, and you don't like it, that isn't our fault. If it's cooked wrong or there's hair in it, by all means let us know. But if it's just not your personal preference, don't order it next time. Restaurants make specific dishes in specific ways. If you want your meatloaf to taste the same as it does when you make it...then make yourself some damn meatloaf.
-NEVER. EVER. snap your fingers to get your server's attention.
-If you drink a cup of coffee in 30 seconds flat, do not expect me to keep it full. slow the fuck down.
-Unless the restaurant is empty, chances are that you are not your server's only table. Give her a break. Yes, servers should always give the best service possible, but we're human.
-COUPONS ARE A PRIVILEGE NOT A RIGHT. Free food is never ever your right as a customer. If you are upset by the idea of actually paying for your meal then please leave.
-If you don't have enough money to tip, please eat at home or go to McDonalds. I don't get paid enough to dodge your 8 bratty children and refill your diet soda 13 times if you're not going to tip me.
-When your server comes up to your table, dammit stop talking. Your conversation will be there when she leaves. She's got shit to do.
-If your server forgets something you asked for, ask again. politely. Don't keep quiet and hold a grudge through the whole meal. Think about how many times in a day you forget small things. And yes, the lemon for your water is a small thing.
-If you are out to eat and your 80 year old grandparents are paying, check the tip. They probably left five dollars, regardless of the ticket amount. Be a nice person and throw in some money for a proper tip.
-15% is baseline. If my server is shit I leave her 10%. If she's a total bag of vaginas I leave her change. But if your server is decent leave her 15-20%. If she's working her ass off, and you can afford it, make her week and leave a fatty tip.

That's it for now. I'll add as I come across infuriating situations.

Also- If you are rolled into the restaurant in a wheel chair because you are so obese that you can't walk and you order cherry a la mode for an appetizer and country fried steak with extra gravy for dinner, I'm judging you. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar or they're just as fucking stupid as you are.
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