for realsies

Dear Mary from last night,

There are a couple things that we need to discuss. Maybe your decision making skills aren't what they once were. Maybe without school to exercise your critical thinking abilities you've forgotten just exactly what poor choices look like. Let me remind you.
For one, when Melissa calls you at 6pm on a Wednesday night, already drunk, and tells you that you're going out tonight- do not, I repeat, do NOT turn away from the laundry room door, basket of clothes in hand, and go upstairs to change.
When Jessica tells you that she'll meet you after her show and you already had to spend a good half hour just getting her to answer her phone, don't believe her. She will keep you waiting (and drinking) until well past midnight and then call you at 3am. You work at 8.
Never. NEVER, accidentally begin an exchange between your best friend who's been drinking for at least 6 hours and a man you may or may not have recently slept with. This is important, Mary from last night.
DO eat a TV dinner before you go to sleep. This is why you're able to function right now. Well played.
DO set your alarm BEFORE you start drinking. Again, well played Mary from last night. You surprise me sometimes with your insight.

That's all the wisdom I have for you at this juncture, Mary from last night. Get your shit together, okay?

With Love, Mary from this morning.