Swallowing-easier said than done

Anyone who has been around me over the last few days has heard me bitch about my chest hurting. It hurts when I eat, swallow, burp, breath deeply. This has been going on since Friday evening when I thought I was choking on my own throat and spent a couple hours in my bathroom whilst my friends snoozed away in my apartment, oblivious to my near death experience. It continued through Saturday, making drinking painful but don't worry I'm not a quitter or a weakling and I still managed to have a sufficiently silly Eugene night. As it is now Tuesday and it still feels like there are angry stick people readjusting themselves in my esophagus every time I swallow, I'm getting a bit worried. And when I am worried about my health, I do what any other responsible and concerned adult would do- I WebMD it (yes I just verbed that noun). But, for the first time in my life (and probably in human history) WebMD failed me pretty completely. It thinks I have GERD. Which I probably do. But this isn't heart burn this is stick people in my chest.
SO-I did some more internet research. I've self-diagnosed with the help of strangers. According to this forum, I am probably suffering the repercussions of swallowing pills without water which is actually something I have always prided myself on. "Hey Mary would you like a glass of water to swallow that pill?" "Oh, no kind citizen. Save that natural resource for someone who needs it. I got this. *gulp* ta da."
I may or may not have an ulcer or some such thing as a result of a stuck pill sitting in my throat and irritating the shit out of the lining of my esophagus. Apparently this swallowing pills without water thing isn't a good idea and I'm going to have to stop my showing off because this fucking hurts.
The moral of this story is no matter how badass you are, don't swallow pills without water. Or v8. Or iced tea. Or vodka. I'm sure all of these things work equally well. Read the label on your meds though folks. Some things might not mix well with v8.



I imagine that the angry stick people in my chest look something like the other mother-but meaner.