crunch time, more like mush time. Crisp at best.

Usually before events I can easily be productive for like 12 hours a day. Stay at work till 10pm no prob. I'm like a damn machine. Of event planning. Not like Martha. Martha is like a mythical being of event planning. Like maybe she sees all things at once- what the event was, what it should be, what it shouldn't be, what it could've been, what it can't be...you know, everything. Plus gardening.
Not so much this week though with the machine-ness. Hopefully I can get my ass in gear since this thing is happening whether I'm ready or not, in approximately 1 week and 3 days. Or can I cancel it? Probably not.

Can I cancel packing but still get to move? Probably not.

Can I leave work to go eat unhealthy bar food at a shitty dive with my friends? Definitely.

Barn Dance

On October 1st, I had my first event. Not the first event I've worked on, but the first event that was actually mine. There's been some turmoil at work, which I won't go into, but it felt really good to get an event under my belt and plus it was super fun.
The event was a Barn Dance and Pig Roast in our Grand Hall which is actually an old Arabian Horse barn so it was perfect. I spent hours cutting and stringing pennants and we used a fork-lift to get 7 1,000lb bales of hay into the space. I arranged flowers for 30 tables and spent hours planning and tracking details. We had a line dance instructor, live band, and DJ. I spray painted little tiny plastic farm animals gold for the centerpieces.

Over 200 people came and folks really enjoyed it, which is the point (that and making money, of course). Pat line danced for over an hour which was, bless his heart, one of the more ridiculous things I've ever seen. Melissa came. All of the Shadypeak boys came, and so did my parents and my friend Jake who brought his lovely girlfriend. It was really great to have people there supporting me and being enthusiastic about something that I really enjoyed creating. I was pretty busy/exhausted/in work mode and didn't take many pictures but when we get them back from the photographer I will definitely post them. The one above is the only one I took. Before we had tables or really anything in there besides pennants and hay.

My mother is going to kill me for posting this. She doesn't always look like that.

Jake and Krystal. Pretty darn cute, right?

Pat being wonderful supportive boyfriend. Also, there's a bull outlined on the back of his shirt. The photos below are of Pat and I dancing at the end of the night.  Photo 1: Aw how sweet.  Photo 2: Inappropriate!

           

Jamboree

So, this is incredibly late but Melissa, Box, and I went to Jamboree this year. For those of you who aren't oregonians and/or country fans, Jamboree is a three day country music festival. This year the headliners were Ronnie Dunn, Lady Antebellum, and Darius Rucker. We arrived Thursday evening and set up our very very minimal camp-chairs plus beer plus tent. We have learned our lesson. Canopy (read: shade) is necessary. Table, also necessary. We survived with a lot of sunscreen and creative cooler-as-table arrangements.
Friday we started drinking at 9am. Yes, I know that this seems like an obviously poor choice but to be fair we were not the only ones. Beer pong and flip cup with fellow campers commenced at about 11. It gets a little blurry after that. I do know that we made our way to the festival, I bought a hat, we ate some food, and I fell asleep. Combination of unnecessary morning drunkness and extreme heat meant that all three of us were donezo before the main act of the night started. We rode the bus back to our camp site and were sleeping by 7:30. Good thing it was Ronnie Dunn that night.
Day 1:

 Saturday we woke up and vowed not to drink till noon. This we accomplished. Before we went to the festival we took a stroll to the little river running near our campsite and sat in a shady field to escape the heat. At the festival we met up with Beth and Koddie in the beer garden, where we stayed until LadyA. It was a lovely day of beer and country music and sunshine. Lady Antebellum was wonderful. I sang loudly. However, I did not drink enough water that day. I ended up throwing up in a porta potty while waiting for the bus to go back to our site. This is not something I recommend. The combination of the smell, the fact that I was throwing up, and the ass hole pounding on the door telling me to hurry up really made for an unpleasant experience. On the bright side Jbox bought an AMAZING hat that day. Also I bought a trucker hat for a buck fifty or something.
Day Two:

 Sunday was more low key. We packed up, went to Safeway to charge our phones in their starbucks, met up with our friend Maggie, hit the local dollar store for some spray bottles(it was SO hot all weekend) and then went to see Mr. Darius Rucker.  Again, time was spent in the beer garden with Beth and Company. Darius was really wonderful. He gave us a good mix of his country stuff and the Hootie classics. Again, I did a lot of loud singing.I put my arm around Melissa during his cover of Space Cowboy. She doesn't like to be touched but sometimes I choose to ignore that fact.
Day Three:

 And hey guess what? NO SUNBURN.

Birthday Fun

I turned 24 last month and my lovely friends and boyfriend helped me celebrate by being wonderful people and being very sweet to me.
A few friends had a gathering at Shadypeak and I totally overdressed and shot a potato gun and smoked a bunch of swisher sweets. I know, kinda gross right? But I was celebrating. Don't worry, I've been coughing ever since and probably learned my lesson.
Pat and I went to a beer and cheese pairing at Rogue which was delicious and then to Andina for some tapas and the most delicious pina colada I've ever had. Pat made me try ceviche. For those of you that don't know, it's fish that's basically 'cooked' by being marinated in citrus juices. The acidity cooks it or whatever. Anyway. SICK. I eat fish mostly because I have a weakness for canned tuna and beer battered cod. Biting into ceviche was like pulling a fish out of the water and chomping down before it was dead. The texture, the look of it. Yech. But besides that, it was a lovely evening.
And then the next morning when I got home, my sweet room mates had made me cute signs and left me a piggy bank. The piggy bank is full of contributions from some of my closest friends so that I can get a tattoo. Pretty freaking awesome gift.

This is one of my favorite dresses. It's a $2.50 Goodwill Find.
Also, Jason got in a bicycle accident and tore up his face.
He doesn't normally look like that. Yes, that's a star sticker on his face.

Andina was very cute/I bet the food is great.
Our appetizers were really good...besides the ceviche.
And this Pina Colada...yuummm

Sage advice for my 24th year includes: Don't get pregnant, don't ride your bike with a sleeping bag on your back (that's how Jason got hurt), don't smoke 1/2 a pack of swisher sweets, Do eat more burritos, Do be naked more often, and learn how to rap.

Now I actually have to get on top of my shit and decide what my tattoo will be...

I'm excited for 24 even though I'm starting to get scrunchy face wrinkles.
But besides the getting old part, I'm pumped. Pretty darn happy these days.

You are my sunshine

It is May 25th and I believe we have only had 2-3 days at or above 70 degrees so far. Dear Willamette Valley, vitamin D deficient much?

The upcoming week of...surprise! more rain

So when Jason and I went to Eugene the other day and it was freaking glorious outside,we had a sunny pow wow with Jessica and James at Monroe Park. I wore a flowy flowery skirt and a hat and Joseph wore his 'dinosaur expert' t-shirt and we just sat in the sun and ate Mexican cookies and were happy. Now that I have a job, there will be less opportunities for such blissfully unproductive days. I'm glad we got to have this one.

I know we've been over this before, but I feel like we're an
obnoxiously good looking group of people.


...


And also, how freaking adorable is my dog?

So adorable that I had to make out with him, apparently.

Scandalous

Ricci, who took photos of me in my bathtub last December, asked me to participate in another project of hers. She is doing a series of photographs of people in her bed. She's done a couple, two male best friends, and a few folks on their own. Jason and I did the shoot together as the straight girl and her gay friend.

Jason and I have been friends for about 5 years now. We met when we were both RAs at the University of Oregon. We lived and worked together in Walton Complex. We would spend hours in the programming office creating posters and planning events. We lived together Junior and Senior year, basically sharing a bedroom in our second house. We're close. We're naked friends. Friends who have seen each other naked and furthermore...don't really think about it. We used to get dressed together, picking outfits and trying to figure out how many layers Jason needed to wear to the bar to ensure that at least one of them remained on his body at the end of the night. We're moving in together again in the coming months and I'm so excited.

Anyway, when Ricci asked me if I was okay with being topless in the photographs, I said yes. When she asked Jason to derobe, he didn't even think about it. We're so comfortable with each other that it just doesn't matter.
Besides being comfortable with Jason, it's a pretty great feeling to be confident enough to allow Ricci to photograph and post mostly naked photos of me for strangers to look at. Everyone has things about their body that they don't like but for the most part I love mine and it was refreshing to realize just how happy I am in my own skin. It was an empowering experience.

My family are all on facebook now. When Ricci posted a sample from our shoot, my father, uncles and grandmother saw it. Embarrassed isn't quite the word, but it's a little uncomfortable knowing that folks who have wiped your ass are seeing those photographs. And Ricci plans on displaying this series in a gallery. I don't know if Jason and I will make the cut but if we do, we'll be giant and mostly naked on a big white wall.

This is my favorite photograph that she took. It's actually an outtake.



More of our photos and the rest of the series are here.

Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac

Jump roping needs to happen more. And not in that torturous I'm-at-the-gym-jump roping-till-I-want-to-die way, but -for fun. Jumping in was always the hardest part, wasn't it?
Perhaps this summer will be the summer of the jump rope.

It's beautiful outside here in Portland today and it makes me wonder if it's time for recess yet.

I want to have a tea party

I want to have a tea party with all of my friends. I want to dress up. And maybe wear little lace gloves and beautiful big hats. And pinkies out! And beautiful mis-matched tea cups like the ones above. And tasty little sandwiches. And sunshine.

But maybe instead of tea, there are bloody marys, screwdrivers, and mimosas in the cups. Or something. I mean, who drinks tea at a party?

adventures in a bathtub

The last weekend that I was in my apartment, my friend Ricci came and we did a photo shoot in my bathroom. She does portrait photography and had some ideas. I told her I'd be her guinea pig and it was a pretty neat experience. I look like some kind of sexed up junky-which was sorta the point. It was fun, and strange. I am not especially photogenic and didn't know what to do with my face or body. I needed a lot of coaching.
If you go to her Flickr and check out the portraits section, I'm in there. Towards the end. But look at all of her photos. They're fantastic.

I love my ducks

and the fact that I can count on them every week for a mood boost.

And also, the matte black helmets are I think as sexy as a football helmet can be.

Thanks, April.

Amazing!! It told us that April prepped our pizza. Then it told us when she put it in the oven! Then it told us when she inspected it for perfection. And then when it was delivered (BY APRIL!!!! omg it was really her). It told us it was here. Thank you Domino's.

Two weeks of lovely

This week I've been grumpy and so I'm going to go ahead and reflect on the two weeks before, which were just lovely.
Going to work in sections, backwards. Whatever, I do what I want.

Eugene Celebration
This last weekend was spent in Eugene with Jessica and Jason. Friday was a mellow evening at the Eugene Celebration (Jason and I were exhausted from camping and Jessica was/is deathly ill). Saturday morning Jason was kind enough to feed us at the dorms. The dorms still smell strangely homey to me. Especially dorm stairs. Ohhh, housing, how I sporadically miss you. The afternoon was spent getting our amazing feathers. Still love them.(plug: Jesse at Imagine Salon downtown did them!) Then Jason fed us at the dorms again. This is probably good because otherwise we wouldn't have eaten as we have no dolla dollas.
Drinking(loko) began at eight. Jessica puked and rallied at 9. Green housing water bottles were filled with vodka cran at 9:30. From there I have no idea of time. I wonder why.
We made our way to the McDonald to see Beats Antique who I had never heard of before but man oh man what an amazing show. I was sore for DAYS from dancing. Now, this is partially due to my trying to keep up with/dance with Jason. This cannot be done unless you have numbed yourself to pain. Which I had. But you will pay. And I did.
After the show we made our way to Jameson's (where everybody knows your name) for water. Yeah, we congregated around the water cooler. It was necessary. Here, we met up with some friends of Jason's. There is a girl, we'll call her Lowselfesteem. There are two guys. We'll call them Jasoncurious and Likestomakeoutwithjessica. Blah Blah Blah we're all tired we walk back to Jason's. He has been causing gay man drama on facebook all night and the moment we walk into the building he runs into the office downstairs and says "I gotta check my facebook GET OUTTA HERE." Right, the rest of us head upstairs.
I crash on Jason's bed, which is where I had planned on sleeping that night. Jason's bed is quite large, as it is two dorm beds pushed together. So when Jess and Likestomakeoutwithjessica laid down on the other bed, I didn't think much of it. But wait, why is someone touching me? Oh look, it's Jasoncurious. And Lowselfesteem is behind him. They want to have a cuddle party. I kid you not. I'm resisting and Jasoncurious tells me that I am the middle piece of bread in the Big Mac and that I'm crucial. Crucial.
He then tells Lowselfesteem that she is the bottom piece of bread. The ass of the sandwich if you will. I feel bad for her sorta. I am now in a spooning sandwich. A Big Mac made of people. I fall asleep, half expecting to wake up in the middle of an orgy.
Luckily, Jason comes in and basically tells everyone to leave. Jessica gets her wits about her and decides that we need to go home. Yes. Yes we do. On our exit, I hear Jasoncurious (who has a girlfriend but apparently sleeps with Lowselfesteem regularly.) asking Jason if he'd like to fuck. No thank you Jason says. I linger in the room until Jasoncurious gets the hint and peaces out. Jason will ask in the morning why we all left him alone in his room.
Camp Ridderbusch 2010
There was a Ridderbusch flag. There were many flag ceremonies. There was tequila night. There were people passed out on the hill. There was much hullabaloo about Jason and I and our hookah. There was beautiful beach time and myballsjustcrawledupinsideme river time.
My family rocks.
There was also a wedding (congrats Davebob). With a nacho cheese fountain. During the reception we made a HUGE scene by insisting that all the Ridderbi take a photo together. Screaming people's names across the reception space was probably the best way to accomplish this.
The week before
So, the week before my vacation just happened to be full of wonderful. My company picnic at Oaks Park was on Friday. So, I got a half day at work which is ALWAYS awesome. Melissa was my plus one (duh) and we went on rides(screaming the whole time 'we're too old for this!!!') until we almost threw up. It was really fun. At the time. I had to go home and sleep for 3 hours to recover. We also got our faces painted by a CRAZY lady. I asked her for swirlies with gold. She drew rainbow hearts with squiggles...uh? swirlies are not squiggles. sheesh.
Thursday was tofu sloppy joes and Comedy Central with the man friend. Lovely except Joseph has jealousy issues about his dog and had to be put in his kennel for the evening. You win some you lose some.
Wednesday was really wonderful. Pushkina suggested that we go out to Edgefield to see a free show from a guy named Ben Smith(download his CD if you like country). He's delightful. We swooned. We sighed. We vowed to take a trip to Texas. The weather was gorgeous. There were lights in the trees. Our server was a bit of a twat and I had to go through a lot to get some tots in my body but besides that, wonderful. It was just overall a really great evening with my life partner.
Tuesday was also man friend time. But including man friend's man friends-who I freaking adore, and who were gossiping like 13 year old girls. So, more fantastic in my life.
Monday David Z suggested sunset and wine at Tabor. He's so full of good ideas, that man is. He told me about his trip to Hawaii (jealous!) and we watched the sunset over Portland and it was happy and pretty and perfect.
Freaking great week. Two weeks. Freaking great life actually. Yay for being surrounded by amazing people.

And now, photographic evidence.

View of Portland Sunset from Mt. Tabor

Ben Smith breaking our hearts at Edgefield.

Pushkina with her rogue iris and me with my rainbow hears (wtf)

Snuggle time at the beach. Jason was so lovely for being my manpanion for the whole camping trip.

Beats Antique. During their encore. With terrifying animal masks on.

Jess and I at Jameson's lovin up on eachother. Those glasses don't have lenses. They belonged to Jasoncurious.

Once Upon a Time...

I am writing this at 5am because I know that if I sleep on it I will forget crucial details.

It is 8:30PM and I am eating a veggie dog on a stick at the Lloyd Center. I am by myself. My movie doesn't start for another 40 minutes so I call Beth Williams to update her on my life. She asks me what I'm doing-which is absolutely nothing-and at that point we decide that I should go to Salem.
I arrive in Salem at 11PM, drop my dog at the parents' house and Beth Williams and I hit the town. We go to 'The Brick' first which is a pretty low key restaurant-during-the-day-bar-at-night type of joint. We have one drink there and go to meet Beth's work friends at a place called "South Lib." Beth warns me that this place is ridiculous and I brush off her warnings. There's neon she says. There are naked robots on the walls she says. Psch. Sounds tame.
We enter and I remember that I am in Salem- so this ridiculous bar isn't filled with hipster kids it's filled with Salem people- people with tribal tattoos and white baseball hats. There's an unfortunate looking pregnant server whom I discover is carrying the child of a formerly good looking guy from my high school. There is glass thrown, girls fighting in the corner. On the wall above my head they are selling T-shirts with the bar's name against tribal markings and wings. I'm pretty out of my element. I am NOT blending. We stand with Beth's friends for a bit and they mention going to a strip club. Well, naturally. It's 1am.
Beth and I enter the strip club and because of our charm and good looks (or vaginas/breasts) we don't pay a cover. We sit down at a table and I discover that Beth and I are by far the most experienced strip bar patrons in the group. Her friends don't seem to know what to do with themselves. Just as Raven is taking the stage, (we'd been waiting for her. She had wild hair and wing tattoos on her back.) a man sits down at our table and introduces himself to Beth as Jean Luc. He is a BRO. He is quickly joined by his two friends- Rogan and Finnigan. Yes. Those are actually their names. Jean Luc, however, was not a real name. His name is Caleb. We never found out why he introduced himself as Jean Luc. These boys are from Corvallis- apparently they were sitting around playing MarioKart and one of them said 'we never do anything good' at which point they decided to drive to Salem and go to the strip club. Serendipitous.
Beth and Finnigan hit it off and we play the 'let's guess the middle name' game. There are four men by this point and Beth's friends are leaving us. The boys comment that Beth and I have a good strategy- going out together. "Two blonde haired blue eyed girls with beautiful smiles-that's not even fair." Think that's laying it on thick-oh no. Stay tuned. We close the strip club and Riley, the fourth musketeer, disappears into the back for a lap dance. Finnigan and Caleb decide they'd like to join Beth and I at Denny's so we give them directions and head over while they wait for their friend to finish with his lap dance.
We are at Denny's for ten minutes before Beth texts Finnigan for an ETA. It is another ten minutes without a response before we decide to bail and just hit the Shari's by Beth's apartment. We are literally walking out of the door and there they are- all four of them lumbering towards us shouting "WHOA WHOA WHOA ladies where are you going!? We just got here." We inform them that they took too long and after some debate we decide to head to Shari's as a group. After all, Shari's offers a full menu at night whereas Denny's has some bullshit late night menu and also the Denny's has been remodeled since I moved away and I hate it.
So we're heading to Shari's and Beth looks into the rear view mirror. Jesus Christ. They just turned into a bar. I turn around in disbelief and sure enough- they've turned off.
Beth gets ahold of Finnigan as we're pulling into the Shari's- we're eating dammit. He informs us that Riley left his phone at the strip club and they have to go back for it. Beth tells him that we'll be eating at the Shari's and 'If you show up you show up. If not, then okay.' Beth and I get a large booth and inform our waitress, Karen, that we may be joined by four more people but we need to order soon.
A note about Karen- on a scale from one to oompa loompa Karen was at least a lollypop kid. Chelsea Handler would have loved the shit out of her.
Beth and I order breakfast deliciousness and wait. We're halfway through our waters when Caleb and Riley walk in the door-stripper in tow. They went back to get a cell phone and gained a stripper. Are you fucking kidding me? The stripper's name is Megan. She is basically body-language-begging Riley to stick it in her.
We inquire as to the location of the other boys. We are told that they are peeing in the parking lot. Erroneous. They are drinking in the parking lot. They are drinking Busch Light(in a camo can) in the parking lot.
They roll in and join us at the booth. Finnigan says to Beth "Oh my god you're beautiful. In the light, now I can see that you really are beautiful." I laugh at him of course(not because Beth isn't beautiful, she is. But-who the FUCK says that?). But I think he was serious.
We're all talking and we start going over Finnigan's life story-including the fact that he is named after an Irish war hero. I wikipedia'd to verify and-it's true.
Seated to my left is Rogan-he's pretty quiet and somehow his age is questioned. Shifty eyes ALL around the table. This kid may or may not actually be 21. We can't get a straight answer out of these guys and that pretty much becomes the trend. These men have wing-man down to a science. They were making all kinds of eyes at each other the whole evening. I never again want to be told that women are sneaky. These men were shifty as fuck.
Prime example- Beth is trying to help Finnigan with his phone and opens up his address book. A couple minutes later she looks up and says "Please do NOT tell me that I am in your phone as 'Strip Club Girl'" They all immediately switch into cover up mode. It was actually impressive to watch them build and modify their story so seamlessly. I think their end story was that Caleb couldn't remember her name and so HE as the one that put her number in. The actual story, however, is that Finnigan could not remember either of our names-even though we had spent at least 10 minutes at the strip club JUST on names. Eventually Beth forgives him but not before we both harassed him pretty mercilessly.
Riley and Megan the Stripper order steak. Because, as Riley put it, "You must be hungry after all of that dancing." They eat about four bites and then sneak out to the parking lot. Riley tells he'll be back.
There is not, however, mention of the return of the stripper. This leads the boys to descend on her plate of food. Many good moments were garnered from this. "I'm eating stripper toast and my lips feel fine" "I'm eating stripper beef." "If I take the straw out I can drink the stripper soda right?" It was pretty phenomenal. Caleb then tells us- "We just obliterated your notion of normal" and he was right. What kind of fucking night is this?
The conversation gets better. A couple fun facts-Finnigan used to work at the restaurant, Midevil Times. He was once asked by a man to have sex with his wife for money. He also worked at a gay club called "The Diesel." Rogan worked on the Cornelius Marie-the crab fishing boat from Deadliest Catch. Yep. Not even a lie. We thought it was. It's not. He leaves in two weeks for another excursion into the Bering Sea. At the ripe young age of (??). Ladies, get him before he's taken by the cold depths.
Riley stumbles back into Shari's nearly 45 minutes after he and Megan the stripper had left. Of course, we are all curious. We start asking him if he's in love with her. Will it bother him when other men touch her? Is she still allowed to give lap dances?
Riley tries to be a gentleman and withhold the information but we tell him that we are truly curious. He informs us that he did NOT sleep with said stripper. You don't lead a stripper out of Shari's and return 45 minutes later without a story worth telling.
"If you guys really want to know, I'll tell you. We were about to fuck. Dick in hand. Then I'm like no, no, no. Not without a condom. Not this time"
Okay hold up- Beth and I are then informed that Riley dated this girl in high school and she is the reason they had picked that particular strip club. She has, apparently, pulled a billy jean in the past and he was wary tap it without wrapping it. By this time we had all assumed that the story ended with lack of condom.
"So we go to the circle K and get condoms" At this point Riley throws a full pack of condoms onto the table. 2 seconds of silence and 5 minutes of laughter. One of the most hilarious things I've ever seen.
"So I 'get ready' and I'm going to put it on and... bzzz bzzz. Her phone goes off and she tells me she has to go. She said she had no excuse not to be home yet because the club closed two hours ago." SOOO, Megan the Stripper has a boyfriend. That she lives with. But she was just buying condoms with Riley at the Circle K so that she could fuck him in the Shari's parking lot. I mean, she was dick in hand. I'm generally a defender of strippers. Megan, you are not helping me to defend stripper honor. You're kindof a skank and you smelled like neon and broken dreams.
Riley expresses his relief at not sleeping with her. Because then he'd have to get tested and she'd probably accuse him of impregnating her with tiny little stripper babies and that all just sounds like a huge headache to me.
We sit around a bit longer and the boys argue over who first made the move to come talk to us instead of staring at sub-par vagina (the term beef curtains may have been used). Somewhere in the middle of this argument Finnigan looks at Beth and says "I had tunnel vision for you. In a strip club. I mean, that's saying something." Wow.
At this point we all pay Karen for our food and her patience. Riley hugs us and gets stripper all over our clothes and hair. Finnigan invites Beth to come snuggle up with him. "I'm never coming to Salem again but if you're in Corvallis..."

I won't lie, I want to be friends with these guys. One of the most ridiculous nights of my life-and completely sober. It's light outside. Almost 6AM. Goodnight Salem.

Tid bits

The camera phone is great because it lets you conveniently and even discreetly catch spontaneous moments, pretty things, and what you did last night. I just put all of my phone pictures on my computer in order to clear some space on my phone and thought I'd go on a phone photo journey. It's questionable whether anyone would/should give a shit about any of these things so proceed at your own risk.

This is the Space Room which is a very high quality bar in SE. Notice planet-shaped lights. This might also be a photo of a mullet.




Real life stripper heels sighting on Mardi Gras. Melissa and I went to see Legally Blonde the Musical (which was surprisingly wonderful, btw) and came out of the show to downtown Portland enjoying Mardi Gras.

Saw this on the sidewalk at the bus stop. Made it the background of my phone as a personal reminder.

I don't know if we've been over this but I love cemeteries. This one is in Oregon City and Melissa took me to see it after milkshakes. Good day.

I went with Beth Williams to see Chelsea Handler do stand up. This is her. Ours was her second show of the evening. She was shitty drunk. Like, dropping her microphone and slurring her words drunk. Also, start-your-show-nearly-two-hours-late drunk. Hilarious. Sorta.

Melissa and I had green beer in my apartment for St. Patty's. We were too poor to do anything else. Doesn't it look like there's a little man in the left glass?

So when I get drunk, I sometimes decide that I LOVE PORCHES. There are about 15 pictures of porches on my phone. Some are too dark to really make out but I'm told this has happened several times. I'll get really excited and tell everyone that I want to start collecting pictures of porches.

The two above are from the hike Melissa and I took at Multnomah falls. Highlights: tiny toy gun (pew pew!!) I found and mossy tree/rock that looks like a monkey's face.

Kid Rock rides my bus.

I'm in charge of our volunteer program at work and I planned a trip to the Humane Society last month. Basically you go socialize the animals. For the feline portion of the afternoon, they had each of us choose a room in the cattery. I chose the ones with kitty AIDS. We asked how they end up with kitty AIDS. The guide told us "well in the usual way. Tomcatting around, being promiscuous" Slutty kitties. They were very sweet. But all a little crusty because their immune systems suck. Slutty kitties need love too.

This was sitting in front of me at Easter Dinner. This was not the only decoration with fiber optic lighting that day. Sigh. (ALTHOUGH, remember those really sweet fiber optic wand things they sold at the fair/circus? I loved those things.)

So I was lost in Winco a few weeks ago (that will probably be the last time I ever go there alone. I was actually lost, as in I was there for a few hours because I couldn't find anything that I needed and then couldn't figure out how to get out.) and saw these. I didn't buy this cereal but I regret it. It's like funfetti cookie crisp. That just SOUNDS happy.




I shadowed this guy in Target for quite a while trying to get a picture of him in his beautiful sweater and plaid fanny pack. It wasn't until we were in line checking out that I was able to sneak a photo.




Melissa and I were out and about killing time before kickball one day and saw some smoke. So, naturally we drove to the smoke. An old book store had caught fire in SW. It was crazy smokey. We watched the fire for at least an hour. And we were on the news for like 10 seconds.




So, remember that entry where I talked about tots and egg salad sandwiches. This is from that night. Mission. Accomplished.




Tiny Japanese man on the bus with his patriotic love socks.




This was my second encounter with this man. He plays the harmonica, but it's not a harmonica. It's a comb with a plastic bag on it. Same diff. Told me and Melissa not to be sluts on our birthdays, on Mardi Gras.

Bloody Mary in a tiki glass at the Yummy Garden which is an american movie/pop culture themed Chinese restaurant across the street from Melissa's new place. Had to add significant amounts of Tabasco to this but it ended up being pretty delicious.

On the Rocks. See previous entries. Swoon.

First time this happened to me. Reminds me of the part at the end of Grease when the car flies off into the distance.

We recycle our batteries and the folks who come pick them up told me that ODOT rules specify that they must all have their ends taped as dead/nearly dead batteries can charge each other when jingle jangling about in a box and this can cause an explosion. Apparently it has happened before. Who knew? So I got paid to tape batteries for about two hours.

This is the fabric on the seats on the bus. Two things baffle me about this.

1-someone designed this pattern. As in, this is someone's artistic expression and probably their claim to fame.
2- someone else then PICKED this. I mean, at some point someone looked at this pattern and though "that's the one!"