Being an idiot is expensive and time consuming

I went to the Multnomah county courthouse today to see if I could get a $190 speeding ticket reduced.
The speeding ticket itself wasn't actually that idiotic. 53 down HW99 at night. Apparently the stretch I was driving through was a 24 hour construction zone with a 35mph speed limit. Bummer. Anyway, I was about 10 minutes late to the courthouse and then it took me another 10 to find parking. I parked in between two cop cars but double checked there was no sign on my space or anything. So I paid the meter and went to the courthouse. Went through security and ran to the traffic violation area, stressed out of my head for being late. In my mind, they would surely call me out in front of everyone, including a judge in a white curly wig, and tell me how irresponsible I am and that they would be, in fact, doubling my fine.
This didn't happen. It turns out they give hundreds of people tickets with the same court time on them so really, I was just late to wait in line. FOR TWO HOURS. And there were still at least a hundred people behind me. The wait itself wasn't actually terrible. I made friends with the guys around me and we played Angry Birds.
About an hour in I realized that my parking meter was expired. The guys held my spot while I ran out to feed the meter. There was already a ticket on my car. Dammit. So I put a bit more change in and headed back. I didn't even look at the thing. Left it on my windshield.
I go through security again and this time they decide that my bright pink pepper spray is contraband. It's not like they could have missed it the first time. Maybe I looked more threatening after an hour of waiting in line and running to my car in the rain to discover that I'd be lucky to break even on this adventure. Whatever the reason, they told me I had to get rid of the pepper spray. So, because my car was several blocks down and I didn't have time for this bullshit I hid my pepper spray in a 'free newspaper' box outside, under a bunch of portland tribune's or something and went back.
When I returned, the guys had so nicely held my spot and really only moved about a foot in line. After all the waiting was over, they reduced my ticket by about $30. Now this is a reduction, and I'm grateful, but dammit. They told me I could schedule a trial in one or two months. For what, maybe $10 more reduction? I mean, I WAS speeding so I can't really plead not guilty. So I take the reduction, bid my new friends adieu and call work. At this point I've missed over half the day so I'm forced to take a full day of PTO which could have been used for something way better like laying in bed all day.
I retrieved my pepper spray from its hiding spot and headed down the street to where I was parked. On my car, is a second ticket. There are two tickets on my car. I let out a soft 'shitfuck' and get in the car to read them. They are both for parking in a police only spot but one is for $40 and one is for $70. I took pictures of the spot because god dammit it's a parking spot!!! there's a park and pay thing right there and there's no marking WHATSOEVER that says I can't park there. Now, in the three spots around me there are signs that say police only. But not on my spot. As I'm pulling away I notice at the end of the block there is a sign wrapped around a pole that says 'police parking this block only 12-8'. fuckity shit. Normally I would notice such a thing when I was parking but because I was so worried about being late to wait in that line for two hours I missed it. Idiot.
Let's recap. At this point, a $30 ticket reduction has cost me:
$110 in parking tickets
3 hours of my life
8 hours of PTO

So when I got home I decided to call and ask about an outstanding parking ticket because I'd received a letter demanding payment of $151 within 10 days. The only ticket I remembered getting was for $150 for parking too close to a fire hydrant. I was outside what was left of the yellow paint but apparently that doesn't matter. You're supposed to measure that shit yourself. But anyway, I knew I had this ticket I just hadn't been able to pay it. It was, however, slotted in my budget for payment on December 20th. I was getting to it, I swear.
I call and actually the man who helped me was very nice. He told me that the $151 was actually for a $30 ticket I got in JANUARY. I don't even remember the existence of this ticket. In addition I have...wait for it...$544 outstanding on the fire hydrant ticket. Well, fuck me. Idiot.
So I set up a payment plan of $75 a month starting in January. Oh and also, they will take my tax refund to pay for those two tickets. So, awesome.

Dear City of Portland, thank you for the following lessons:
1. If you can't pay something, call. Tickets are not T-Rex's and they can see you even if you don't move.
2. If you are planning on going to court to get a reduction on a speeding ticket: bring a book, take an entire day off, and make sure you park in a parking garage. The streets aren't safe. Also, leave your pepper spray at home.
3. Never, ever, ever park ANYWHERE near a fire hydrant.
4. Don't be an idiot.