for realsies: Joey Monster- or, what I've learned about having a dog

Easily the best thing about living with my parents has been the fact that Joseph gets to be around people all the time. He has a yard. He has old crotchety dogs to annoy. Joseph and I lived in a studio for the last year. This means no yard, and at least 9 hours a day by his lonesome. He was pretty tolerant of the situation but I promised him that next time we moved there would be a yard. And there will be. For now, though, he is being spoiled by his adoring grandparents.
And adoring might be an understatement. After hearing almost exclusively negative things about him from my friends-the nicer of which took place in my living room, the less nice of which took place outside my earshot but as is always the case with friends, got back to me- it has been great to hear nothing but how wonderful he is. Because of the inconvenience he has caused me (in the form of pee on my floor, higher rent, and 4:30 AM trips outside to pee, among other things) and because most people in my life also seemed to feel inconvenienced by him, I was sometimes finding myself on the Joey-sucks-bandwagon. I never wanted to give him up. I think it's ridiculous to adopt an animal and then get rid of them because they are an inconvenience. And also I love the shit out of him. But I have been pretty irritated with his existence in the recent past.
I was aware then and am still aware that a lot of his behavioral issues were/are completely my fault. Inconsistent training and frustration instead of patience are the two biggest factors.
Also, he is large. Large and loud. These two things make any behavioral issue feel so much worse. Finch(boyfriend's dog),for example, barks and you nearly melt because it sounds like a little whisper-bark and it's fucking adorable. Joey barks and I want to throw things because it is so loud that it actually hurts my ears. Finch crawls up on your lap and you barely notice/are pleased by the mythical creature in your presence. Joey crawls up on your lap and depending on your mood and his enthusiasm you either have a rather large snuggle buddy or you can't breath because he's crushing your diaphragm.
This is Finch by the way. I know. Adorable.

Anyway, I had almost forgotten how awesome Joey is because very few others seemed to share my opinion. Now remembering that I adore him.

reasons I love the shit out of my dog

He's ridiculously good looking.

He looks like he might rip your face off and is therefore great for going on runs at night.

He cleans up his own vomit. Judge all you want. It's handy.

He always wants to be next to me-sometimes annoying but mostly adorable.

He wouldn't hurt anyone/anything on purpose. I've seen other dogs attack him and he either tries to play or cowers and yelps. Actually kind of a wuss.

He's an exceptional space heater.

He's an amazing snuggler.

He's quite a runner. I love watching him run at the dog park.

He likes to wear clothes.

He's smart. I know lots of people would disagree. But with the parents' help I'm seeing how fast he can learn things. And also seeing that he plays games/plays dumb when it suits him. Too smart, actually.

Photographic evidence of our love affair

Face snuggles