Dear Joey,

It is 3:30AM. I have been on my feet, working for free, for 15 hours now- on 4 hours of sleep(because you were whining and kept me up). I came home, expecting some accidents because I had to leave you at home so long. I was feeling really guilty about you being all by yourself all day. And then I felt even more guilty when all I saw was one pile of Joey crap. 15 hours and only one pile of crap. No puddle to clean up. I was ecstatic. I was thinking, Joey Monster I love the shit out of you. Then I went to grab my newly washed comforter so that I could go to sleep. It's wet. In fact, it's urine-soaked. So are all of my other blankets that were sitting underneath it. Melissa is the only other person with a key to my apartment and she is in Bend so I know she didn't pee on my blankets. That just leaves you. And since when do you get up on the couch to pee? This was deliberate and malicious, Joseph. I'm hurt. So now I'm loading up laundry at all hours of the night and bundling up like I'm going camping since you peed on ALL of my blankets.
Nobody deserves this, Joey. Probably not even Hitler.

No I take that back. He's probably on the short list of people who deserve to have every single blanket they own pissed on and find out at 3:30AM when all they want to do is sleep. It is a very fucking short list.